Yesterday I had to take my 93 year old great aunt to hospital.  She has been diabetic for some years, has asthma and is in kidney failure.  Three years ago, when she was 90, she had a prolonged hospital stay caused by a virilant chest infection.  We all thought she was coming to the end of her long and interesting life.  After spending 3 months in the hospital, 2 of them hovering between  life and death, she rallied round and was able to go home to her cottage.

It was during that hospital stay that it was discovered her kidneys were not working properly and she was, in fact, in kidney failure.  Her doctor broke the news to her on her return home with the words ‘your kidneys are failing, your heart is failing and basically we can’t really do anything for you’.  My aunt was devastated.  She has hated her doctor ever since.  He will never be able to make amends with her for the cruel way he delivered that diagnosis.

Earlier this year she was back in hospital for another prolonged stay.  Again it was a chest infection.  It cleared up, it came back, it cleared up, it came back – this time she was only in for one month.  She was sent home breathless and frightened and unable to remain in her home alone.  We arranged private care for her and she now has someone in her home with her 24 hours a day.  She has blossomed again and is the sharp, witty aunt I have always known, if a little more frail bodily than she was.

And so to yesterday.  Her doctor decided she must have dialysis now.  I knew nothing about dialysis, depsite having a brother in law who had a kidney transplant.  Apparantly it requires attendance 3 times a week with a 3 hour session on a machine each time.

When I collected my aunt yesterday morning she was very frightened.  She had been worrying about this since the doctor told her she needed it 2 weeks ago.  She hadn’t slept properly since being told as she was fretting all day and all night.

The consultant she saw was absolutley amazing.  She was really encouraging about my aunt and her ability to have reached the grand age of 93.  She didn’t judge or give an opinion.  She answered every question my aunt had (even the ones that were not related to dialysis!).  She examined my aunt, taking blood pressure and listening to her heart.  And at that point she said ‘Very good, that’s absolutely spot on’.  My aunt left that room feeling like someone had given her a million pounds.

The upshot is they decided between them that my aunt should not have dialysis.  Her kidneys are failing but she in still in fairly good health with the medication she is on.  Being on dialysis would significantly change her quality of life and at 93 she simply does not want to go through it all.  The consultant supported the decision fully.  My aunt feels great and can’t stop talking about her wonderful consultant.  At the end of the day whether she does or does not need dialysis is irrelevant.  It is the way she feels, the way she has been treated and the effect that has had on her that matters.

It is really important to be aware of how we respond to people.  Positive responses are so very powerful and can have such a magnificent affect on a person.  Equally negative responses can be extremely detrimental to a person.  Susan Owen-Thursfield has written a very revealing post about this very subject.  You can read her post here.

If we all take a moment to think before we speak we might be able to change the way we respond to others and have a much more positive effect on the world.